what age are we in? what is man's responsibility?

I think that through-out human existence man has always been trying to make progress.  Man always needs purpose.  Progress in one's life is a form of purpose.  Purpose then drives us to make this progress.  First man progressed in social order with the use of religion and government to organize people into collective communities working together to stay alive.  Next the progress in the sciences explained things about religion and about our universe and then brought government to power and also brought ideas of using technology to do basically anything.  The social era brought about the technology because once an era has progressed as far as it can go something must takes its place.  Logic over the spiritual in that case and now maturity over logic.  We can no longer progress with thoughts of money, sex, more, more, more, and more for myself.  We must come together as humans and be mature, open, and honest about our future now that we have the cognitive sense and confidence to do so.  We have the record of our history with which we can predict how our actions affect the world and each other. The era we are in is the end of the technology era and eventually we will move into a refining era where we must come together and be proud together to be so blessed with what we are and stop taking it for granted and start giving it back to our universe.  If not I fear that corruption and suffering will continue forever in many parts of the world.  who can people be satisfied with that.  Doesn't it hurt to see a fellow human suffer for a reason that they don't even understand.  So man's next responsibility is to be mature and use our hearts to make the world I would call "better". There will be sacrifice but that sacrifice should bring a proud sense that what you are doing is help someone less fortunate than you.  The Wesch video showed how that one community tried to fix the relationship instead using law to bring order.  This idea is very mature because those people recognize that people are imperfect and quite different and so the allow the world to work  well relationships which is what connects us all must be maintained.  And due to our differences, laws are not flexible enough to bring TRUE social order.  This is one way a group of people have come together in a mature way and thus thrive and progress in a peaceful way.  Its too bad more humans did not start out this way.  But now is a great time to  start.

complex? Feedback on?Difficult? easy?

I'm finding that the experience with the peer editing very helpful in two ways.  One way is how much it helps to have different people read and give me feed back on my argument and points i'm trying to make and also on the clarity of the essay itself.  The second is how much more confident and willing I am to ask more peers from outside of class to read my essays.  The one thing I am having difficulty with is being able to be as corrective as most of the peer editors on my own writing.  This will ultimately come with time and more experience.  But it would save me much time right now if I was able to write from the reader's perspective.  This is main due to the fact that much of what I see being corrected or questioned are things that I could easily re-word.  Just through that my writing would have much more clarity.  I am starting to like writing because of my cultural anthropology class.  I am finding writing to be fun because its a challenge for myself to write well and really start making points with solid evidence.  Being able to connect my evidence and main point has always been difficult for me, but know I am really seeing the connection and I want to use it.  Cultural anthropology is bring to light so many complex things about the true meaning of why our society does things and now that that I can see that connection I want to using the things I've learned from anthropology to make solid points on complex issues.  So i'm not finding the writing or peer editing complex but all the ways to make a point complex, its like a fun not a scary complex.

Revisions to essay 2

The main change I made was to make the thesis more clear and to draw the support for that thesis.  The peer review revealed that the support for the thesis was confusing and not completely aimed at making the right point.  Some of the parts were awkward and so changed some sentences around to make them more understandable.  Also when I read it again, the point I'm trying to make is a little confusing so I changed it to make it clear.  The peer editing is definitely a great resource.  I have an essay due in my cultural anthropology class on Wednesday that I am going to have my professor look at before the due date as well as a student whom I trust to give me honest feed back.  One revision I made though even before the peer editing was the decision on whether to use second or first person pronouns in my essay.  When I wrote it I used first person pronouns but toward the end using second person pronouns was much more smooth so I changed all the "one"s to a second person pronoun. The one thing I might change about peer review is to have more interaction between the reader and writer.  So instead of reading each other's at the same time maybe have one person go then the other.  That interaction would aid in explaining why things are confusing to the reader and make the changes more accurate to accommodate the reader.

grammar lesson part 3 comma splices

The reason the author wrote this article was because of a book her friend asked her to read.

Mignon Fogarty explains that a splice/fault of a comma is when someone joins two independent clause with a comma with no conjunction.  Thus the whole sentences will be missing just a conjunction such as "but", "and", etc.  The comma is being used to splice the two clauses together, thus a comma "splice".  It's easy too fix the problem. Her simple solution is to place a period where the comma is and make two different sentences.  The "splicing" of a sentence is usually done by a semicolon.  If the sentences are closely related, one might explain the other, then a semicolon is suggested.  However if the sentences are not closely related one should add a conjunction.  Lastly, she writes that sometimes authors use splices to make their writings how they want.

pc6

The main point I want to make from the article and video is that media can have a great affect on the learning process.  The kind of affect on the process is a positive one, which helps kids be more creative and knowledge-able.  Mike Wesch talks about why students need to be more knowledge-able and how they can become so with aid from  an instructor.  Jenkin's article "Why Heather can't write" expresses this main point through the discussion of  how kids use The Daily Prophet.  The article talks about how these kids express themselves by creating characters and histories about these characters and how it helps kids learn creative thinking.  Wesch and Jenkin are both trying to show how creative thinking can being forth a life time of learning and how media has enabled a connection between us which is why people need to be knowledge-able.  In the Wesch video he explains this quite well.  My support for this are an experiment and   some information from MIT's media laboratory.
http://www.ifets.info/journals/12_2/1.pdf   this experiment was trying to test the facilitation of cognitive learning by video games.  The results concluded that video games do aid in facilitate cognitive thinking and a child's development can be aided with a form of video game due to the different types of learning.
http://affect.media.mit.edu/projectpages/lc/AI-ED.PDF:This piece of evidence talks about the affects of emotions on learning.  The reason this piece supports my point is that while playing a video game, one feels a positive emotion(happiness, fulfillment, achievement) which then allow them to learn better while playing. 

Thus I have concluded that media, such as video games, can help aid students to learn because it engages parts of the mind that no other tacks do.  And to make the second link's support more clear, media can make us feel apart of something bigger than ourselves which has driven people in the past and people today to go above and beyond themselves.  When  one is playing a video game, there are many things to think about like magic, flying, and etc that is of the walk and creative and by being in that world it opens one's mind to endless possibilities where the mind can then create things it my never have thought of.    

Jenkin's essay

The concept of collaborative creativity made me think about how people function as a group indirectly.  Everyone seems to be doing something for the purpose not only for him/herself and more so for the respect, apporval, indentity, or ect.  When I play volleyball I play for the respect from my teammates, for myself, and people I know.  The way people are creative because of this is because people have to adapt to get those things.  I get better at volleyball by trying new things and such.  Jenkin's used the example of a musician which fits perfectly.  A rock artist creates new songs to to get the praise from his or her fans.  Our generation uses those new platforms like music and texting (a new created platform) to relate as well to obtain those things.
    The way we all relate from creating new platforms is through all of our unique talents and jobs.  He also uses the example of the cosplayer with the fan-writer.  The whole world turns from these new creations and it guides us to the next ("better" possibly?) thing.  Jobs are based around a globe economy and we are all working together.  In the classroom, the teacher and the students, just like revising each others' essays in class, working together to make "better" essays.
    All this is interesting and supported by examples, however my biggest question for myself and about society is what happens when there isn't a "better", what happens when resources run out, and even what happens to us all when we have collaborated our own possible doom or negative results from consumption unknowingly?  My first answer is that I think people will result to their very basic instincts.  I think people will no longer look for the "better" but turn to relationships and family as the next "better thing".  What else can there be?  Once computers and machines make the world into a work less utopia, what do people work on, when there isn't anything to make?  Nothing.  Only those things that no one can physically see like love, friendship, respect, and an in general peace amongst the world.  Or will people take the other direction?  A destructive path where countries war for no reason and that is the only "better" thing to do.  Collaboration is fascinating but it is the result of an endless chain of human needs which my lead to unpredictable outcomes.

essay revision

The biggest revision to the essay was the creating of an intro-paragraph that introduced my main points.  Before, I had a pretty much nothing introduction that really needed work.  When I had first finished writing it I read through it in study hall with the mens' volleyball's manager of academics.  So the essay I brought into class on   Wednesday was an already revised essay.  Many of those revisions were to make my writing more clean and concise.  Also many of the ideas were not clear, so with her help I made my essay easier to understand from the readers' perspectives.  Since she was a reader, I was able to understand exactly what to change.  I also read it out loud and what I found is that some parts are boring.   However, I did not know how to make them more exciting.  My points were clear and I didn't want to lose content for excitement.  One thing I do hope though is that the readers find those boring parts thought provoking and thus interesting to keep them focused and enjoy my writing.