Revisions to essay 2

The main change I made was to make the thesis more clear and to draw the support for that thesis.  The peer review revealed that the support for the thesis was confusing and not completely aimed at making the right point.  Some of the parts were awkward and so changed some sentences around to make them more understandable.  Also when I read it again, the point I'm trying to make is a little confusing so I changed it to make it clear.  The peer editing is definitely a great resource.  I have an essay due in my cultural anthropology class on Wednesday that I am going to have my professor look at before the due date as well as a student whom I trust to give me honest feed back.  One revision I made though even before the peer editing was the decision on whether to use second or first person pronouns in my essay.  When I wrote it I used first person pronouns but toward the end using second person pronouns was much more smooth so I changed all the "one"s to a second person pronoun. The one thing I might change about peer review is to have more interaction between the reader and writer.  So instead of reading each other's at the same time maybe have one person go then the other.  That interaction would aid in explaining why things are confusing to the reader and make the changes more accurate to accommodate the reader.