Identity

Action:  What I do with my time is a symbol for my deep raw core identity.  I try my hardest to be the best I can be.  And I want to respect myself and that includes at sports, school, socially, and my body.  So I lift weights and practice.  I get to class on time and study.  I try to get past the basic human insecurities and open my heart to people and show them who I am trying to be.  One thing the hold me back in that social aspect is that people don’t always want to interact or don’t understand what they need to, to be social with me.  I am also not as physically able as I want t be right now, that’s why I lift weights because I want more ability.  I try to be conscience of what I eat and I feel guilty for eating poorly.     

Video for grandma:  I am making a video for just my grandmother.  My grandma and I are not necessarily close.  She lives far away and being a girl is probably a reason that we aren’t very close.  But I feel that I want her to know who I am because I am for her and I want to her to know that.  I’m going to make a volleyball video to show her how good I am at volleyball because she hasn’t ever seen me play.  Over the video a voiceover by me will explain who I am (who I think I am).  As she reaches the end of her life, she is the perfect person to tell that she is not alone and I hope it gives her courage and comfort at the end.    

Texting:  Talking through text is a simple way of showing identity.  It is different than texting however because I have time to think about what I can say, which is good and bad.  It gives the temptation of not being myself because I have time think about the message I want to say in a pleasing way, where if I were talking face to face the first think I were to say would be a good representation of my identity.  At the same time though the initial thing in my mind I want to say may not really represent me.  Be having time to think about who I want to be during this text allows me to be me.  

Analysis: The only one medium that represents me truly is the video because it is being made for that purpose but not much that people see so they comprehend what my identity truly is and the same is probably true for me when I see other people and their actions and texts, for example.  But that’s why I try as little as I can to judge or act based on a judgment of someone because no one knows.  I am not even sure I know who I am.  How could someone else come close to knowing?  I wasn’t confident to the answer of who I am until recently.  I’ve been confused and still am about it.   

I think people might think that I am a conformist.  This is because I do what teachers ask me, don’t go to parties, and do things that are “good”.  But I couldn’t be more resistant to what I am in society.  I only seem to be conformist because I am rebelling against the idea of a teenager, a college lifestyle, and etc.  The ideal child is not the model I am.  But even though through that logic I am rebellious it’s that my true identity still.  What I want is to give back to the community, I’ve been given so much in life, and I want to be an inspiration.  To be a inspiration I want to have it all; I want to be good looking, smart, tall, athletic, dress well, complete tasks of challenging proportion, etc.  But all those things are not what I want to inspire people, I want to be the guy to have all those things and to be just a normal guy with normal problems, who can respects someone with none of those things because it’s not about the material things it’s about what is inside your heart.  So by having all those material things and still being normal it’s just like taking all the things that people use for an identity away because it’s ultimately being only what I am without any of those, thus showing that it doesn’t matter what I have only who I am.  This is how I want it to inspire people.  No one should feel inferior or superior to anyone if one has more than the other, because at the end of the day they could be the same person inside, it just happens that one has something that gives him or her advantage in this world.  So the way I live my life is to be that inspiration and to gain that status so sometimes I have to do pleasing things or things that seem like the ideal child.  And yes I find it hard to authentically show this because I’m not at the status I want yet. 

The video is the real me.  I am making to show my grandma who I am because I want her to know and I want to tell someone who I am.  It’s getting a little depressing not being able to show it, especially when I see and know so many people who only respect material things in this world.   

I am still thinking about Mrs. Vincent’s example of the girl who is shy but also talkative on face book.  There is a connection between the differences in her actions based on a core identity.